Friday, December 11, 2009

Arby's Makes You Pregnant


When I first read this review of my Creston Villa property on yelp dot com I was a little disappointed. The bumfights--sure--are seemingly a nightly occurrence, but they only happen at the Safeway bottle return area a block away. The reviewer says I'm awesome, which is nice. But she also implies that although she cleaned her apartment, I kept her deposit. If you look at her other reviews on yelp you can see that she's kinda funny in a 20-year-old girl sorta way: Arby's got her pregnant, the food at the swinger's club sucks, etc. Anyway, I looked up all the people that moved out between 6/14/09 (her first 7 reviews) and 7/28/09 (when she logged back in to yelp to review creston villa). I've narrowed it down to two people, and since I can't figure out how to respond to her on yelp I thought I'd just address the issue here.
If you break your lease, I have to charge you. It's stipulated on your rental agreement, and there's no way I can fudge the paperwork past the accounting department at the corporate office. If you do spray-painty art projects in your apartment, lay some newspaper down because spray paint doesn't come out of carpet. It just doesn't. If you adopt a cat, please make sure they're spayed or neutered so they don't spray on the walls and in the fridge. A fridge that smells like cat urine is so very, very unpleasant. And how did it spray in the fridge anyway? Were you keeping it in there at night? Weird. Finally, don't ever make me do a google image search for the phrase "pregnant arby's" again. At least not without changing the SafeSearch settings first. I can't unsee that.

4 comments:

Brittany said...

I'm gonna pee my pants.

Anonymous said...

in the fridge?

theefamousperson said...

What a mean review on Yelp she wrote. Your review, however, was hilarious.

Is there somebody who does a job like yours, who rents houses instead of apartments? Please let me know... I'm thinking about a yard, constantly.

martin said...

I've rented out houses in the past, but mostly for friends and co-workers. You want me to let you know if that duplex at 5146 SE Hawthorne ever goes vacant? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvgxIxVLm8k