Showing posts with label one-bedrooms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label one-bedrooms. Show all posts

Friday, November 5, 2010

1615 SE Taylor


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Dear Greg,
Let's talk about your craigslist ad.
You are a property owner and I'm just a lowly manager, so maybe I'm out of line here. But look at this from a renter's point of view:

REMEMBER TO LEAVE YOUR NAME and PHONE NUMBER TWICE.
- 1- How Many People will be living there?
- 2-What kind of job(s) do you have? and what is your monthy gross income?
- 3-OR if you are in school who is the source of your finding?
- 4-What is your move in time frame and what flexibility do you have?

REMEMBER TO LEAVE YOUR NAME and PHONE NUMBER TWICE.


The combination of allcaps and asking what kind of job(s) people have is somewhat off-putting. Maybe that's just me, though. I'm not sure. Also, you should consider going to EcoHaus and putting in some bamboo floors. Your turnover costs would be halved and you could probably charge about $50-$100 more per month. Plus you wouldn't have to charge the people moving out the cost of cleaning the carpet. It was nice meeting you in the spring of 2007.

Monday, October 11, 2010

1942 SE Ladd


Here it is: My dream apartment at 1942 SE Ladd.
Here's what the FOR RENT sign says:
One bedroom unit at 1942 SE Ladd (facing street to your right), totally restored with french doors, hardwood floors, period details, tile bath, natural fir cabinets in kitchen, new plumbing and wiring, gas range and heat, laundry facilities, bicycle storage, big courtyard, and this great location. Non smoking, pets with approval only. $995 per month, $1250 security. Month to month rental.

I've been watching this place since I moved to the neighborhood in early 2000, back when it was $550/mo. I think they remodeled it in 2007 or 2008 or so. If I lived there, I'd have those french doors open all summer long and have dinner parties with interesting people that drink pernod and fernet branca. I would sit in on Anthropology classes at Reed and go to strip clubs "ironically" instead of normally. I would smoke filterless Nat Sherman Lights and drive a Karmann Ghia. I would take up unicycling and vacation in places that have a swim-up bar and always vote for whomever was running under the Pacific Green Party. My girlfriend would have one of those names that sound like a normal name but is spelled funny, like Malyssa or Gessyka or Dyan. I would care about things--like Muscular Dystrophy or Ovarian Cancer--or at least pretend to. I would make my own shampoo out of comfrey leaves and rosemary. Yup, I'd be a real catch, I would.
You can call them at 503.239.5363

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Orenco Station--Nexus


Other than driving by this place once two years ago, I don't really know much about Orenco Station. It's supposed to be a high-density neighborhood right on the MAX line with all the shopping/bars/stores you could possibly need within walking distance, which I think is pretty awesome--especially for Hillsboro (or Beaverton, or whatever town it's in). I'm thinking it's a mixture of rentals and condos, which is also pretty cool in terms of making sure there are a good mix of people in the neighborhood. They even have a farmer's market that, for some reason, Captured By Porches Brewery attends. So even though I don't know anyone that has any intention of living in this place, no matter how nice it sounds, I feel like I have to bring up their new craigslist ad:
Yup, Nexus has all the good stuff...seriously. We don't mess around masking old with new, we are the real deal. Nexus was built in 2007 and 2008, so is more than just new carpet and paint. Each Apartment Home is air conditioned, wired for fios, equipped with full sized washer/ dryer. Nexus also has a sparkly pool, hot tub, firepit, 24 hour gym, business center, media room, awesome staff....not to mention we are located right in the heart of Orenco Station, next door to the Orenco Station Max. If that doesn't work for ya, Starbucks and Newseasons are literally across the street, seriously.
When I first read it, I thought it was kinda clever because that's probably how I would try to write an ad for something like Orenco: Kinda casual and maybe a little braggy. But when I read it a second and third time I began to get annoyed by three things:
  1. The phrase "We are the real deal" seems kind of douchy for some reason.
  2. The misspelling of "New Seasons." It is so not one word.
  3. The reuse of the word "seriously." It's used in the first sentence after points of ellipsis, and then in the last sentence it's used after a comma. Is this intentional? If so, is it reused to subtly frame the paragraph? It's driving me crazy.
If it weren't after business hours, I'd probably call up Orenco Station and ask to speak to the author of this ad, just so I can find some closure to my issue with that adverb. I am "seriously" not going to be able to sleep tonight because of this.

UPDATE: Oh crap. It gets worse. SERIOUSLY:
Nexus is a newer community located in the heart of Orenco Station. We have it all here Seriously.. Shopping just seconds away, Costco,New Seasons and outdoor mall. Our clubhouse fetures a business center complete with FREE faxing for our residents! and 24hour fitness center. If you like lounging by the pool we have that too.. we also offer large gas grill and Fire pit to have the ultimate summer bbq by the pool... We love love our residents SERIOUSLY!!

UPDATE 2: Kill me now.

Seriously, Live Here.


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Clinton Court Apartments


I read somewhere that we hate our parents' architecture, but we love our grandparents' architecture. So I guess that means that since it's 2010 now we can begin to start appreciating things built in the 1950s like Clinton Court.
I don't like the carpet or the gas heat that probably isn't included in your rent, but not having upstairs neighbors is a definite plus. I'm normally not a big fan of large expanses of fertilized lawns, but something about the grass at Clinton Court makes me want to play lawn darts.
Sometimes when I'm scrolling through craigslist or doing my market surveys (when I have to go actually visit places like this pretending I'm looking for an apartment), I like to imagine that I really am looking for a new place to live. I'm fresh out of grad school, say Boise State or maybe Wyoming. I'm looking for a job in teaching but my real passion is starting a biodynamic goat cheese operation. Brenda, the landlord, is talking up the new energy-efficient windows but my eyes are fixed on the girl fumbling with her keys two apartments over. Her shoulder-length dark brown hair just barely obscures the top of the tattoo on the nape of her neck that reminds me of a mid-1990s corporate logo that I can't quite place. Sega Dreamcast? As a single-serving cup of yogurt drops from her grocery bag she turns her head and I notice that her too-pale face is framed perfectly by uneven home-cut bangs. The yogurt cup has cracked on the side after impacting the concrete, but only slightly so nothing has leaked out. She picks it up and sets it on the edge of the arm of the antique-ish chair that was obviously left behind by the previous tenants: It's sun-baked to the point that the grain is beginning to crack at the edges, but it looks comfortable enough. With her free hand she works the door open and disappears for a few seconds and then pokes her head and arm back out the door to retrieve the yogurt cup. Our eyes meet briefly and I turn away pretending to admire the obviously new polished nickel lever lock that Brenda has installed after each move-out. Yes, Brenda, I would like to take an application. As a matter of fact, would you mind if I filled this out right now? Am I first in line for this place? Brenda subconsciously adjusts her frosted blond hair and glances down at her heels and says yes, this apartment is yours if you pass the crime screening.
As I'm moving in 4 days later, I realize that the only piece of actual furniture that I've managed to hold on to since moving out of the dorms in Boise or Wyoming or wherever is a handed-down aluminum-legged dining room table with a formica kidney-shaped pattern on the top of it--and three of the possible four matching chairs. My major was in agriculture, not in moving furniture, so I'm having trouble figuring out how to get the table inside. Professor Channing knew everything about goats, but all those years grading papers in grad school taught me nothing about moving furniture.
"Having trouble?" says the throaty yet feminine voice behind me. I'm immediately startled and turn around to realize it's yogurt-bangs. The first thing I notice are the wool socks. It's pushing 80 degrees and she's wearing wool socks. "You have to turn it on its side," she says. And before I can even react she snubs her cigarette out on my sidewalk. I say my sidewalk because even though you can't get to her apartment without walking in front of her apartment, I assumed that this patch of cement was unofficially mine. It's strange with these 1950s places: I automatically assume that the sidewalk extending from the edge of my bedroom window to the opposite edge of my door is both community space and not. I reserve the right to put a folding REI chair there, and I expect no one to violate my perceived space. Yogurt-bangs simultaneously desecrates and solidifies this preconceived notion with two quick twists of her ankle. She picks up the outside end of the table, looks expectantly at me to grab my end, and then twists it 90 degrees.
"Now go left. No, your left," she says as we make the corner around the almond-colored Frigidaire and finally put it in a place that seems logical to me. I pretend to make sure that the legs of the table are in line with wall and notice that she's wearing bicycle shorts beneath her goldenrod and light purple dress. In a flash I remember my girlfriend--no, my ex-girlfriend now--back in Wyoming and unconsciously make a bare thigh comparison. Justine was tan, smooth, magazine quality. She was perfect in so many ways, and ever since we broke up two years ago I cringe with heart-broken longing whenever I smell her perfume. We had an inside joke about it and called it "Vanillaroma." To this day, I can't bake cookies without reeling back in regret.
I instantly pull myself up from under the table, embarrassed that perhaps yogurt-bangs caught me looking up her skirt. "Water pressure's pretty good here," she says. "Welcome to the neighborhood."

Woah. Sorry. Got a little carried away there. Would be a neat craigslist ad though.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

385 N Hayden Bay Drive

Woo-hoo!
Rent this one-bedroom condo from me and I'll be your facebook friend forever.

I have no idea how to rent this place. I did a little market survey of similar places in the neighborhood and the rents range from $599-$700. So I'm staying firm at $625. For me, renting apartments and houses in SE is easy because I'm pretty much my own demographic. But out in the weird purgatory that is half-Portland/half-Vancouver, I'm lost. Who lives out there? And why? Maybe you are a carousel operator at Jantzen Beach and you don't have a car? Maybe you want all the joys of living NEAR Vancouver without all the pesky tax breaks? I have no idea. I've had it on Craigslist for 2 weeks but not one phone call or email. Find someone to take this place for me and I'll give you $100 cash.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Dogs in Snow


Only at the Ardea.
Whatevs.
Totally not my demographic.
UPDATE: Whoever writes the ads for the Ardea is a total douche nozzle.
For example:
"NEED A MAN CAVE?"
"NUT NUT NUTTIN"
Oh my god. They keep posting more as I'm writing this blog post. I'm going to be up all night LOLing.
Here's a link to all of them.
I was kind of in a bad mood until I found this, so thanks, Ardea. Now whenever I'm feeling blue, I'll just think of you and keep Nut, Nut, Nuttin' along.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Cedarhusrt Village


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Although I drive by this place almost every day, I know very little about it. I know it's kind of new--maybe built around 2004 or something (portlandmaps.com won't tell me). I want to say that it was meant to be condos originally, but I have nothing to back up that assertion. At any rate, it's always given me a bad feeling for some reason. Their ad on craigslist doesn't help:
Please read the screening process and criteria requirements:

Move in costs are one half of the first month rent and last months rent plus $350 security deposit. $382.50 + $765 + $350 = $1,460.00 on move-in day. This is a 12 month lease.

The application fee for our 3rd party screening company is $35.00. The screening includes Rental reference, criminal history, and credit. Any bankruptcies or previous evictions would be considered a denial.

Also, your income must meet 3x's the monthly rent of the apartment. In this case your gross verifiable income must be $2,300 per month.

Like I said, I have no reason to dislike this place. Just something about it rubs me the wrong way. I don't think I'd rent an apartment from them. Of course, maybe they're awesome.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Two apts I have this month...

Curry Court #19 is $650/mo:


Queen Marie #301 is $825/mo:

$50 gift card if you rent one of these from me and mention this blog.
$50 gift card if you send a referral to me and they move in.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

More 2121 Belmont lulz


It seems that 2121 Belmont--for some reason a project that I've been picking on (fairly?) since they broke ground--may be foreclosing soon. Despite being 94% occupied and getting at least $1.80/mo per square foot, that's apparently not even close to enough money to break even. For some context on $ per square foot, I have 2-bedrooms on 40th and Francis that fetch just over $1 per square foot (and that building makes pretty good money overall), and 1-bedrooms at the Queen Marie that get about $1.50 per square foot (and again, that building makes a pretty good profit). The article linked above is best summed up by this quote from Gary Winkler, portland real estate expert:
"But renters want to pay the same price, regardless of whether a unit has granite countertops or whatever."


My guess is that 2121 Belmont broke their budget with all those balloons they put out each morning. That can't be cheap.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Crown Point Apartments


The only reason I'm posting this is because I think that's an awesome picture. I'm not sure what the landlord here is trying to convey by putting this in his or her ad, but I'm pretty sure their motive was simply, "Whoa. It totally snowed." Kudos to them for not shoveling and instead, well, marketing. Crown Point is at 2925 SE 50th and they have a one-bedroom for $695. 503.234.7632.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Kailash Ecovillage


Oh man, why didn't I think of this? Oh yeah. I can barely keep a blog going, so having the patience to turn the old Cabana Apartments into neo-hippie paradise would probably make me want to get pregnant at Arby's. Anyway, I hope this works. Good luck to them. They have an apartment or two open, but I'd like to see some bamboo floors in there--more expensive, sure, but they last 10 times longer than carpet. Not to mention the off-gassing properties of petroleum based materials in carpet.

Creston Villa #12, and a little incentive comparison

I have an apartment coming available in a couple days. It's a two-bedroom townhome for $775:

So yeah, there it is. Not a bad little place. It's always been difficult to rent apartments around xmas, but it's especially hard this year because of the crappy economy. So this morning I'm going around craigslist to see what other places are giving away to get people to move in:
  • Ashley Court is giving away 2 weeks free and a $150 Visa gift card.
  • 3609 SE 42nd is offering $200 off your first month rent.
  • 3430 SE 58th will give you one month free.
  • Madrone Acacia will let you sign a month-to-month lease or give you half a month free.
All of these seem like pretty good deals I guess.
But take a gander at MY SPECIAL:
Here is our special, and it is a good one: Upon move-in, you will receive a partial CD discography of obscure 80s band The Chameleons UK, including--but not limited to--"Script of the Bridge" featuring the hit "Up The Down Escalator," which reached #18 on the German pop charts in 1983. One might say it was their seminal album.

I think I know why I haven't been getting much traffic these days.

Attack of the pet-friendly cyber concierge!


Sweet christ, where to start with this craigslist ad?
#C104 comes with 5 weeks free rent and waived deposit, waived admin fee, waived application fee, and 3 months free parking!

I can see them waiving the admin fee, since that fee will be illegal in 9 days. And I can see waiving an application fee, because it's probably only $40 or so. But FIVE WEEKS rent? Waived deposit? It makes me nervous that they are willing to give up $1375 in rent and $1100 in (admittedly refundable) deposit just to get a warm body in there. And let's say parking is $100/mo. That's $2775 in concessions to fill one apartment. Crazy. Why not just make the rent affordable and fill up the entire building in a weekend? Then there's this, which is just poor grammar:
VIEWS OF DOWNTOWN PORTLAND, THE PEARL DISTRICT,CLOSE TO NORTH ALBERTA, BELMONT AND HAWTHORNE MAX TRIMET PET FRIENDLY CYBER CONCIERGE 24 HOUR FITNESS LEED GOLD CERTIFIED GREEN NON-SMOKING, Pearl District, Art, Boutiques, Wine, Night Life, Restaurants, Train, Portland Street Car, Apartments, Condominiums, Walk to Shopping, 24 Hour Fitness, Coffee, Galleries, Views, Water, Jogging, Running, Downtown, Tri-Met, Max-line, Pets Allowed, Large Dogs, Small Dogs, Indoor Cats, 24 Hour Concierge Service, Professional Sales Team, River Views, Storage

I don't usually mind the lack of commas in craigslist ads, but doesn't that "sentence" make it sound like there's a 24-hour pet friendly cyber concierge roaming the halls, luring Fido and Fluffy into random storage closets for who knows what unspeakable green-certified debauchery? He's like The Terminator but instead of killing Sarah Connor he's retrofitting kittens with bioswales. 503.493.1700

Friday, December 11, 2009

Queen Marie #203

I have a pretty sweet one-bedroom coming up next week, and it looks a lot like this:

After she moves out I'll have a video of the actual apartment, but the one in the above video is pretty similar. $800/mo includes water, sewer, garbage, and hot water. It's right across the street from the farmer's market, and it's just an all-around sweet pad. Please rent it so I can stop worrying about having a vacancy over the holiday. I will make you a mixtape.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Hawthorne Court


I see Kathy has her sign out again, which is always rare at Hawthorne Court. This is one of the few dog-friendly buildings in the neighborhood. At least, I'm pretty sure dogs are allowed since I see people with dogs coming in and out of there all the time. I'm not sure how much her apartments are going for these days but if her one-bedrooms are less than $800 then I'd tell you it was a pretty good deal. 503.233.8865

Sunday, December 6, 2009

2 things you don't see everyday


This one-bedroom apartment for $725 at 1511 SE Morrison has a fireplace, which is weird. The other odd thing about this place is that you share a bathroom with two other apartments. The ad says that the bathroom is cleaned for you, which is nice, but I wonder how often it's cleaned. It seems that the going rate for one-bedrooms in the neighborhood is about $825, so this seems like a good price. Guess it all depends on how considerate your two neighbors are. I hate to go all George Costanza here, but how thick is the bathroom door?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

2230 SE Yamhill


The pictures for the listing of this one-bedroom apartment are totally giving me vertigo. It's a nice enough place, and I haven't heard anything bad about Palisades Property Management. But these pictures make me think that I'm in a Johnny Depp movie, and not one of the good ones like Crybaby. More like Pirates of the Caribbean 2.

Damn Montananites

I thought I had rented this apartment, but people from Montana tend to be flaky sometimes. I blame that "River Runs Through It" movie. For some reason.

Please rent this apartment. I will be your BFF. It's only $600/mo!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Yamhill Apartments


I love it when an apartment building has its very own website. They have a one-bedroom for just $675 right now, but be sure to take your shoes off after stumbling home from the Speakeasy. You know, because it's carpeted.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

2102 SE 12th Ave.


I never see apartments come up at the good ol' Virginia Lee, mostly because it's only a 12-plex. I've always really liked the front of the building, as it reminds me of the Enchanted Forest. $795/mo is pretty standard for a vintage one-bedroom in the neighborhood, but I'd be a little worried about paying for your own gas heat. I think the windows are the original wooden ones, so you could see a $100 NW Natural bill come winter. I could be wrong about that. Also, it's interesting how they work their cat policy. You have both a $150 one-time fee, and a $15/mo fee.
Pet rent is a relatively new concept to me. I personally think that it kind of encourages people with pets to move out sooner, whereas a one-time fee would encourage tenants to stay longer. For example, let's say you move into a place that has a $200 pet fee and you stay there for 20 months. You've basically paid $10/mo to have your pet. Compare that to, for example, a $20/mo pet fee and no one-time fee due upon move-in. That would be incentive for me to find a new place.
Of course, the Virginia Lee has both kinds of pet fees, so I'm not sure where the logic in that is. Maybe I just dislike cats.
UPDATE: Please see the comments about the heating bill! Also, see the comments about how I was totally wrong about the cat fee. It's OR not AND. I didn't read the ad carefully...
503/757.5201